Nurturing Mind, Body & Spirit-The Power of Being Vulnerable
2018 is a year of really digging into my own “stuff”. Taking a deeper look at who I am, moving forward from my past trauma, healing and being the best version of myself. I have become very disciplined in my eating. I have developed a pretty good habit of reading my devotions every morning, sitting in silence and praying to my higher power. And two months ago, I began my journey with Transcendental Meditation. It’s been a journey mostly to really get to know myself a bit better. I just get so busy taking care of and worrying about others that my own health has taken a back seat. Especially in 2017. My last blog’s word was about forgiveness. The last couple of days the word that has been going through my head like crazy is the word Vulnerable. Yuck.
Something turned for me though with the New Year. I just wanted something to be different but unsure what different was. I have always been a fairly happy person. But over the last year something shifted. I wasn’t unhappy, but I wasn’t happy either. Sure, I had very happy moments, but there’s a difference. I used to feel happy daily. And suddenly I kind of wasn’t feeling anything.
I went into my doctor to talk about my anti-depressants and we agreed to put me on a lower dosage for a while. That didn’t help. And as things became more stressful in my life, we decided it was best for me to be on the full dose. Pristique isn’t known to numb the emotions. It balances them. But for me, I just couldn’t feel any more of my own pain. Animals and others? Yep! I’m an empath. Can’t help it. But I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t feel my own stuff anymore. Why things weren’t bothering me the same? Why I wasn’t going into drama queen mode per past experiences? I just didn’t care. Again, I wasn’t depressed, but I wasn’t happy. I thought this must be what inner peace is. Just nothingness. Just getting by. Getting through the days. It hit me in about November that this feeling wasn’t right. I’ve known joy. I’ve known happiness. It feels good. I liked those emotions. But how was I to get them back?
Work. Not Pilates studio work. Inner work. And the funny thing is, when you make the decision to do the work completely things begin to happen that you didn’t expect. The universe throws things at you that you must explore. Things that you must question. Issues that you don’t want to face. At all. Doing the work means becoming vulnerable to find things out about yourself that you don’t really want to hear.
I have said I am ready for daily joy again. And things are shifting. But the universe was like, are you ready to face your demons? Are you ready to be vulnerable? Why in the hell would I want to be vulnerable? Being vulnerable sounds like facing emotions and crap that I do not want to face! It means facing sadness and hurt. Facing fear. Facing the unknown. Giving the unknown a chance without trying to control it. Being vulnerable means truly opening up everything in me and releasing it.
The universe is a powerful thing. When we don’t take the time to really listen, we get lost. I am trying to get back on my routine after being in one of the most beautiful places in the world. I felt at home there. Now that I’m back, something feels a tad off again. But I’ll get back to normal. I will continue being vulnerable, asking the universe to guide me. Getting back into my internal work. I have faith that my life will come to order with each vulnerable step I take. Risking hurt. Risking being told something I don’t want to hear. Risking failure. But the rewards I know will make a better, stronger me.
I believe to be the best person you can be, it takes work. Daily. I read an amazing book which I want to recommend to everyone called The Miracle Morning. Tomorrow I begin a 30-day commitment to get up a couple hours before I need to and apply his tools to make my day happier and more productive. The book was incredibly powerful for me and can be for you as well. If you’d like to join me on this journey, email or call me at our studio and we can work together to accomplish this goal. Every guru, counselor, psychologist, yogi will tell you they must work daily to be healthy. I think it becomes less work over time, but in the beginning, establishing new, healthy habits, can feel like work. But it’s oh so worth it!
A lot of mind, body spirit health comes from having a great tribe beside you (I like them beside me as opposed to behind me!). I have a tribe in so many areas of my life. I’m not sure I could get by without all my tribes. I need each and every one. Find your tribes! Whether with us or others, surround yourself with those who also want what you do. Surround yourself with people who encourage you to be the best version of you. They’re out there. Sometimes you just must be vulnerable and allow the universe to give you what you need, when you need it.